Real Love

All right. So, you fell for it. You fell for the love bombing. You’re never gonna do it again. And I hear you. Trust me, it is not my first rodeo. I have dated my fair share of people that love bomb. In this article, I want to make sure that we’re not villainizing people. Yes, there are going to be people that are narcissistic that are going to do this because they’re trying to manipulate. But there are people that are trying to seek safety. There are people that genuinely don’t know how to connect with somebody unless they come on really fast because they’re scared of what can happen. I’m excited to help you guys understand love bombing a little bit more, but at the end of the day, it’s not really about the other person. I want you to understand yourself a little bit more.

Cuz like, here’s the thing. If someone showers you with affection, they’re constantly texting. They give you all the big words and the promises and all this. It’s like it doesn’t it’s not inherently a red flag meaning that you need to run from any person that might show you attention and affection. But the real question here is like are you being genuinely loved or are you being lured in? Are you doing something that feels authentic? Something that I always say like does the pinch match the ouch? And what we have to look like is like what we call connection oftentimes is just our nervous system and hijack. Today, we’re going to break down how do you spot the difference. That way you don’t get pulled into some [] and you don’t get pulled into the high and then [] come crashing down. You maintain your boundaries throughout and you feel confident and safe within your own body.

Let’s get into the meat and the [__] potatoes, shall we?

What Is Love Bombing?

So, I wanted to kind of start with what is love bombing? What is it actually? So, it’s not just we all know when you [__] turn on TikTok University, there’s always somebody different. And how I see it is like love bombing is an overwhelming amount of love, attention, and affection in a really short amount of time. So, it’s the future faking, it’s the serious intimacy, and it’s all happening really soon. And I want to clarify like this isn’t just about somebody who’s excited about you. It’s also about the pace and the pace that they’re going without the depth and the intensity without that consistency.

I have had it where dudes are, and for me, a heterosexual woman, so I’m going to talk in those norms. Please fit in. Whatever works for you. But I have had it where people come on so strong that it honestly just makes me uncomfortable. I want to believe it. I want to believe that you like me this much. I want to believe that I’m as amazing as you see me in your eyes. And I want to believe that somebody finally sees me and my worth. But often times when someone’s coming on so fast, so hard, it’s hard to believe it. And then we have to kind of think of our nervous system because you’re constantly getting hit with dopamine. You’ll feel chosen, you’ll feel wanted, you feel adored, but your body doesn’t register that as necessarily safety. It registers that as urgency and that’s the difference.

Three Signs of Love Bombing (Not Real Love)

Here are the three biggest signs that it’s not actually a real connection and the science behind it because you guys know me. I love psychology. I love neuroscience and I love giving you the full picture so that you don’t get hooked on someone’s [__] again.

1. Big Promises and Small Follow-Through

The first one is big promises and small follow-through. So, somebody might talk about vacations. They’re talking about meeting friends and family. They’re talking about moving in quickly, but they don’t even know how to spell your last name. They don’t even know the [] allergies that you have. And future faking is often a form of control. And again, I’m not saying we have to look at the intentions here. I knew some people that would come in really strong of like, “We should do this. We should do this. We should do this.” Cuz in the moment, they really believed it. They were feeling all of those feelings. And then what happens? They go home and they regulate. They go home and they spend some time together and then they realize like, “Oh, never mind. I don’t actually like that person. I just liked the attention they were giving me.” And then what happens? You’re the one that’s left [] dick in your hands being like, “This feels like shit.”

2. Constant Communication Without Depth

The second sign that I want you to start to look out for and this is why I [] hate texting because that could be a form of love bombing and honestly codependency constant communication without the depth to match it. Love bombers have no problem [] they’ll text you all day every day. But if you start to really look closely it’s not really deep. It’s quite often it’s more dopamine. And so they’re managing their anxiety. They’re not necessarily building a connection with you. And so they might feel insecure and that’s why they’re constantly texting you because they want that dopamine hit. They want to feel really good with you. They It’s about them. Notice how everything we’ve spoken about love bombing is about them and how they feel. But very rarely is it about you? Because how are you going to know this much about somebody? I know you’re amazing. You know you’re amazing. How the [__] does this person in like two dates know how amazing you are?

3. Intensity Feels Like Urgency, Not Safety

Notice how when someone comes on really strong, when somebody is lovebombing you, when somebody is coming on and they’re giving the like I hear this all the time of we had two or three dates and they want me to be their girlfriend already. We had one date and they’re trying to fly me to Paris because they want me to go meet their best friend when it feels too grandiose. And I get it. I know how it feels in the moments. Like I had a guy I dated and we went out to dinner. First night was dinner. And then the next morning he was like, “What are you doing today?” And I was like, “Um, I’ve got just like errands and stuff. Like I just met you.” And he’s like, “Hop on a private flight with me. I’m going to my brother’s funeral.” And I was like, “Well, what?” I was like, “No, what? First of all, thank you for the offer, but no thank you.” And it was just everything was grandiose. Let’s go to this really expensive dinner. And I was like, “Or we could just go get a burger down the street, man. Like, we could just get to know each other.”

Love bombing isn’t about love. It’s about control, often disguised as connection. And even if it’s somebody anxious, the control could be they’re trying to control their [__] nervous system.

Why Do You Fall for Love Bombing?

I hear this everybody just asked me on my live earlier. Why do we fall for narcissists? And it’s like it’s not because you’re looking for them. Maybe not consciously, but we have to look and see. People with anxious attachment style, low self-worth, or trauma histories are more vulnerable to that. And you’re not dumb. It’s not that you’re stupid, but you’re wired for survival. And when you get that intensity, it might feel familiar, even if it’s toxic and unhealthy. And we have to look at our nervous system. You might feel bonded to this person, but it’s an illusion of attunement, right?

I personally me I had a narcissistic father so I loved me a love bomber because I was like see finally somebody sees my worth because I didn’t [__] see it myself. I didn’t see it within myself to pace myself to say no this doesn’t work for me to say hey whoa it’s going to take you time to realize that you because what ends up happening is you fell for the idea of me. You didn’t actually fell for me. And often times you’re likely responding to that validation high not the actual person. And for me when I had that low self-esteem it felt really nice to have somebody else tell me that I was worthy and deserving. Baby it’s not love it’s a high. And highs will always crash.

How to Protect Yourself from Love Bombing

So, what do you do instead? Now, what? Right? Whether it could be you might be dating somebody, maybe you haven’t met this person yet, and maybe this is something for the future, but the first thing I want you to do is I need you to pause the fantasy. What do I actually know about this person? What do I actually know about them? What do I know to be true? What facts do I have to back that up? I hear this all the time. Like, they’re so thoughtful. Give me three examples of what makes them thoughtful. Oh, well, I only had one date. Great. Thank you. Thank you for proving my point. you don’t know.

Then we have to really look at the pace. Real connection builds. It does not explode. My mama said, “When you start at 100, where are you going to go?” We need to look for that reciprocal effort, not just words. Do their words and actions align? That’s what I want us to look at. Not that they’re talking this really big game and then when push comes to shove, what do they [__] do with it? And we have to start practicing emotional regulation so you don’t confuse that adrenaline for love.

This is the stuff that I dig into my foundation course, which like I said earlier, I would tell you about how do you trust yourself? How do you regulate your nervous system? How do you date from a grounded self-worth, not from old wounds? So, if you guys want to join, we got the foundation course. You can work one-on-one. You can do everything. And that will all be linked in the show notes because you are worthy and deserving of love. you are more than worthy and deserving of love. But I need you to believe that and I need you to see that.

The Science Behind Love Bombing

From a neuroscience perspective, love bombing hijacks your brain’s reward system. You’re constantly getting hit with dopamine. You’ll feel chosen, you’ll feel wanted, you feel adored, but your body doesn’t register that as necessarily safety. It registers that as urgency. Psychologically, love bombing exploits vulnerabilities. Narcissists may use it to manipulate, moving from idealization (building you up) to devaluation (chipping away at your self-esteem). That’s when they start to chip away at you. That’s when they start to bring you down. and you’re like, “But you were so amazing before. What happened to you?” Others may love bomb unintentionally due to insecurity or a need to force intimacy. Either way, it’s about their needs, not a genuine connection with you.

FAQs About Love Bombing vs. Real Love

1. What is the main difference between love bombing and real love?

Love bombing is an overwhelming amount of love, attention, and affection in a really short amount of time, often without depth or consistency. Real love builds slowly with reciprocal effort, trust, and actions that align with words.

2. How can I tell if someone is love bombing me?

Look for big promises and small follow-through, constant communication without depth, and intensity that feels like urgency, not safety. If it feels too grandiose, it’s likely love bombing.

3. Why do I keep falling for love bombing?

People with anxious attachment style, low self-worth, or trauma histories are more vulnerable to that. It’s not because you’re stupid, but you’re wired for survival, and the intensity feels familiar.

4. Can love bombing ever turn into real love?

In rare cases, someone may love bomb due to insecurity but slow down and build a genuine connection if they respect your boundaries. If it’s manipulative, it’s unlikely to become authentic.

5. How do I protect myself from love bombing?

Pause the fantasy and ask, “What do I actually know about this person?” Set boundaries, practice emotional regulation, and build self-worth to avoid chasing validation.

Final Thoughts: Choose Real Love Over the High

Baby it’s not love it’s a high. and highs will always crash. That’s why when you’re chasing a feeling, it’s not sustainable. When you start building that from the inside and you really start to take time to get to know you, then the love bombers don’t even register on your radar anymore because you’re going to get really turned off from somebody who comes on really strong because you’ve learned to love yourself. You’ve learned how long that takes and you went back to save you. So you’re not [__] waiting for anyone else to come and save you.

So guys, subscribe for more on healing, on attachment, on dating and relationships, and thank you guys so much for sitting with me and until next time, babes.

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