Social Comparison: How It Impacts You and How to Take Control

Did you know that we spend about 10% to 12% of our waking hours comparing ourselves to others? That’s around 2 hours or more of our day! Isn’t that crazy? Now whether we realize it or not, we’re actually hardwired to do that. It’s a skill we developed early in human history to navigate our environment—to adapt, to fit in, and to survive. And while comparison was once about survival, today it shows up everywhere—on social media, in conversations, and even while watching TV.

Understanding Social Comparison: A Double-Edged Sword

You’ve probably heard that “Comparison is the thief of joy.” While that’s often true, I’m here to tell you—this statement is incomplete. Comparison, by itself, is neutral. It’s just a reflection of our thoughts. In essence, it’s a tool—like a knife or fire—a knife can cut you, or it can cut something for you. Fire can burn you, or it can warm you or even cook you a delicious meal. See, the problem isn’t that we compare. It’s in how we interpret that comparison.

Now, we generally compare in two directions—up or down. And whether it becomes a trap or a drive depends on our mindset. Here’s how this plays out: When we compare ourselves to people we think are doing better—that’s us comparing up. If this comparison leads to self-pity, self-doubt, or an endless loop of “I’m never going to be good enough,” it’s a trap—because it triggers feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, or even envy. It reinforces limiting beliefs and self-diminishing thoughts. But, when comparing up sparks inspiration, invites learning, or pushes you towards something you aspire to, it becomes a drive—it fuels your growth. And instead of feeling less, you shift to, “What can I take from this?”

On the flip side, comparing down happens when we look at those we think are doing worse than us. It becomes a trap when it fuels arrogance—when we start looking down on others—or when it makes us lower our standards and settle for less. Do you see how that works against you? But, when comparing down makes us feel grateful and appreciative of what we have—and reminds us to have empathy and compassion toward others—it definitely becomes a drive. So, can you see how comparison is only the thief of joy if you let it?

The Real Impact of Comparison on Your Life

Here’s a distinction most of us fail to realize—comparison is never actually about the other person. We don’t compare because we want what they have. We compare because we’re afraid of what it says about us. And comparison doesn’t just mess with our self-worth—it spills into every aspect of life—work, relationships, and even parenting. It can show up anytime and catch you off guard.

Imagine catching up with a friend. They casually mention their exciting travel plans or an incredible trip they just had. Then they turn to you and ask, “What about you?” And suddenly, without even thinking, you find yourself stretching the truth and saying, “Oh yeah, we’re also thinking about a staycation soon!” When? Where? What?!! That’s how fast comparison hooks you. It’s not just about wanting what they have—it’s about suddenly questioning what you have. Can you relate?

It can even cause what I call ‘Milestone Anxiety’. Picture this—you’re scrolling on social media, and someone posts a huge achievement—career, fitness, family, whatever. Two seconds ago, you were fine, life was good… but suddenly, you’re feeling behind. I personally experienced this with potty training for my son. Before he reached that milestone, a lot of people had an opinion of when I should have started and how I should be doing it. It really made me question myself and even, I became harsh on him. I had to remind myself that, “I know my life best! I’m doing what I can.” And honestly? He’s not going to go to college in a diaper! (I actually said that to them.) And sure enough, he grew out of it. But can you see how milestone anxiety got to me—how it affected my judgment and even my behavior? I’ve seen marriages crumble because one partner was constantly measuring their life against others. The truth is—it’s not about the trips. It’s not about the money. It’s not even about the other person. It’s about this invisible pressure to match a moving target.

“Comparison reflects our fears, not others’ lives.”

Practical Steps to Take Control of Comparison

But here’s a secret— “Comparison is a perspective game.” And you’re better off mastering it in a way that serves you. So, how can you do that? Here are three quick steps to take back control when comparison hits and it isn’t working in your favor!

Step 1: Catch Yourself in the Act

You cannot stop what you don’t recognize. And comparison can happen FAST—so the trick is to interrupt it before it spirals. Maybe it’s in the middle of an Instagram scroll or during a conversation with your braggy coworker. Pause for a moment and recognize it. “Oops, I’m doing that comparison thing.” For me, I literally talk to myself: “Hmm, I see what’s happening here… I’m about to ruin a perfectly good day over nothing. Let’s not do that.” Or sometimes, I hear that buzzer sound in my head—”ERRNT! Watch out!” Whatever works for you—do it. It might sound silly, but it works. Especially if you keep at it. Because it’s not about fighting comparison; it’s about catching it before it takes over.

Step 2: Call It Out

Name what’s happening—verbalize your awareness. “Hmm… I’m feeling jealous.” Or maybe it is “I’m comparing my worst to their best.” “I’m doubting myself.” See, this little mindfulness trick of pausing and putting a name to it gives you a split-second of distance and sometimes, that’s all you need to wake up and take back control. Whatever you’re feeling or thinking isn’t necessarily good or bad—it just is. And all you need to do is to acknowledge that it exists in the moment. The point is to detach from the emotional charge of comparison and to simply observe what’s happening.

Step 3: Redirect Your Energy

If the comparison is touching on some of your insecurities or negative emotions, how can you turn it around? There are a number of ways you can do that: You can start by switching your focus in the moment to what you have versus what you’re missing because engaging in gratitude is always a great idea. Or, you can remind yourself that your journeys and circumstances are different. Or, you can just simply recognize that you are only seeing what they choose to share and you don’t have the full picture. Another powerful way to do that is for you to remind yourself of your uniqueness. Because whether you allow yourself to see it or not, you are unique! Reinforce that in yourself: “They are great and I am too—in my own way”. If anything, this is your sign to ‘practice seeing the good in you’ because this is the one skill that unlocks your self-mastery. And to physically redirect your energy, try a simple movement or a gesture to snap out of it. You can literally snap your fingers, shrug your shoulders and take a deep breath, or shake it off your body. Whatever helps you to reset—just do it.

Reflective Methods to Turn Comparison Into a Positive Force

If after these 3 steps you still feel the weight of comparison, and you want to leverage on what’s happening and dig deeper, here are 3 self-reflection methods, you can use:

The Curiosity Method

Number 1 is what I call The Curiosity Method. Ask yourself, Why? “Why am I doing this?” And don’t stop at the first answer—ask “why” at least three times to get to the root of your feelings. Why did I say we were planning a staycation? Because I didn’t want to seem like I was missing out. Ok. Why does that matter? Because I want to feel like I belong. Ok. Why do I feel like I don’t belong? Because I tie my worth to how my life looks and not how it actually feels. TADA! You got it. It was never about the vacation. It was about validation. Or maybe when you ask yourself ‘Why does that matter?’ you realize you actually haven’t had a break in a while and that you need to prioritize rest. In that case, the comparison wasn’t about feeling behind—It was an eye opener, a reminder of the importance of downtime and connection. By engaging in curiosity and asking why repeatedly, you get to the core of it, whether it’s a value, a habit, reminder, pattern, or fear that is driving your emotions. Once you get to the bottom, acknowledge it and move forward.

The “Who Cares?” Method

The second method I use is to Ask “Who Cares?” To be clear, it’s not meant in a dismissive way like “Ugh, who even cares?!”. It’s more of a quick reality check to help you understand why something is bothering you. Because a lot of times we get caught in comparing ourselves over things we don’t even actually value—we think we should have XYZ because society, family, friends expect it. But by asking “Who cares?”, you might realize, “Wait, do I truly care about having the Pinterest-perfect home, or am I just feeling like I’m supposed to?” If the honest answer is “No one that matters cares including me,” then give yourself permission to drop that comparison. If the answer is “Well, I care because this is important to me,” then great – now you know this is a personal interest or goal, and you can shift from comparison to action: “how do I get there?”. Essentially, “Who Cares?” helps differentiate between comparisons that are tied to your authentic goals versus those tied to external approval. It’s a quick way to snap back to your priorities.

Reframe Comparison as a Learning Opportunity

The third and final method is to Reframe the Comparison into a Learning Opportunity. Turn on the learner mode. Instead of thinking, “They’re better than me,” ask yourself, “What can I learn from them?” Think of them as a case study or as a sample of what’s possible for you. Shift your focus from comparison to inspiration. What techniques do they use? What skills have they developed? How often do they practice? This mental pivot transforms the other person from a perceived threat into a mentor-by-example (even if they don’t know it). It shows you what’s possible with consistency and dedication. What can you take from their journey to fuel your own growth? Is there a small step, a new habit, or an approach that could help you get closer to your own version of success?

Making Comparison Work for You

Now, these methods are not a one-size-fits-all, try what resonates with you and see what sticks. Or better yet—drop a comment and share what works for you! Let’s all help each other break free from disempowering comparisons. And of course, you can always share this video (and don’t forget to subscribe). Remember, comparison is a natural human tendency. The goal isn’t to never compare—we’ve established that’s unrealistic. The goal is to catch yourself in the act and pivot. Either stop the comparison or turn it into something positive. Because here’s the thing: The difference between those who suffer from comparison and those who control it comes down to mindset and habits. Are you going to let that 10–12% of your thoughts steal your joy, or are you going to recruit them to improve your life?

Let’s be real—no one has it all figured out. Not even the people you admire the most. They have their own doubts, insecurities, and struggles, just like you, trust me! If you keep measuring yourself against others, you’ll never feel satisfied—because the truth is, there will always be someone ahead of you and someone behind you. The real question is: Will you let that fuel you, or will you allow it to bring you down? I know you’ve probably heard this a million times, but seriously—instead of measuring yourself against others, look at how much you’ve grown. Your timeline is yours. It’s You vs. You.

So the next time you catch yourself in the comparison cycle, remember you have the power to turn it into a tool. Because in the end, it’s all about your perspective and the story you tell yourself. Trust me, this shift can make all the difference in your life! Now, go out there and beat your own yesterday! And always remember: You’ve Got This! I’ll see you in the next one. Ciao!

Frequently Asked Questions About Social Comparison

What is social comparison and why do we do it?

Social comparison is when we evaluate ourselves by comparing our abilities, achievements, or situations to others. It’s a natural tendency rooted in our evolutionary need to navigate our environment, adapt, and survive.

How does social comparison affect mental health?

Social comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, or envy when comparing up, or arrogance when comparing down, impacting mental health negatively. However, when used as a drive for inspiration or gratitude, it can positively influence well-being.

How to stop comparing yourself to others on social media?

To stop comparing yourself on social media, catch yourself in the act, name the feeling (e.g., “I’m feeling jealous”), and redirect your energy by focusing on gratitude, your uniqueness, or what you can learn from others.

What are the benefits of positive social comparison?

Positive social comparison can spark inspiration, encourage learning, fuel personal growth, and foster gratitude and empathy, turning comparison into a drive rather than a trap.

How to overcome milestone anxiety caused by comparison?

Overcome milestone anxiety by recognizing comparison triggers, verbalizing your feelings, and redirecting your focus to your unique journey and progress, using methods like curiosity or reframing comparisons as learning opportunities.

Why does comparison make me feel behind in life?

Comparison can make you feel behind because it creates an invisible pressure to match others’ achievements, often tied to societal expectations or personal fears about self-worth, rather than focusing on your own timeline.

How can I turn comparison into a tool for self-improvement?

Turn comparison into a tool by catching and naming the comparison, redirecting your energy to gratitude or learning, and using reflective methods like asking “Why?” or “Who cares?” to align with your authentic goals.