Love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to draw people into relationships by overwhelming them with affection, gifts, or attention. However, not all love bombing looks the same—it varies depending on the type of narcissist. This article explores the different forms of love bombing associated with grandiose, communal, self-righteous, and neglectful narcissists, helping you identify the red flags and protect yourself from manipulation.
What Is Grandiose Love Bombing in Relationships
“The flowers and the gifts and the dinner at a hot spot and the night of dancing those things all distract you from the red flags that are popping up.”
Grandiose love bombing is the classical portrait of love bombing—think fairy-tale gestures that sweep you off your feet. This involves the many many dozens of roses or overly big flower bouquets or extravagant nights out or intense vacations after just a few weeks into a relationship perhaps very expensive gifts or if not expensive kind of elaborate gifts. For example, if you’re experiencing the love bombing by a grandiose narcissist during the holiday season sometimes they’ll be like a sort of an advent calendar motif and like a different gift each day and little scavenger hunts that kind of thing very elaborate time they clearly put time into the gift giving. Other grandiose love bomb stunts may be that they’re extravagantly generous with your family or friends basically they’re recruiting their enablers very early.
| Aspect | Details of Grandiose Love Bombing |
|---|---|
| Common Tactics | Dozens of roses, extravagant nights out, expensive or elaborate gifts, intense vacations |
| Examples | Private jet dates, fancy hotel suites, advent calendar-style gift-giving |
| Purpose | Distract from red flags, create a fairy-tale illusion |
| Red Flags | Rapid relationship pacing, invalidation, excessive focus on status or money |
Grandiose love bombing tends to be fairy tale stuff and that’s why it is actually quite intoxicating for people. I imagine it must feel really good to be grandiosely love bombed. The scene I saw in this hair salon involved the wealthy man having lavished his paid girlfriend with a fancy new dress and he had borrowed a fancy necklace to wear and then he took her on a date via a private jet to I think it was San Francisco where they saw an opera and then flew back to their fancy hotel. I thought wow this is like the perfect clip on grandiose love bombing. These features I’d have to say all qualified as grandiose love bombing.
The danger of the grandiose love bombing is that it’s the classic street con I’m going to create a distraction over there so you don’t look over here where the red flags are. The flowers and the gifts and the dinner at a hot spot and the night of dancing those things all distract you from the red flags that are popping up. We want to believe in magic especially romantic magic and the nature of grandiose love bombing is that the cognitive dissonance pops up early and it’s very strong. Things like well maybe they don’t mean it when they invalidate me oh this trip is so fun right things don’t fit in validation fun trip or why can’t I have my fairy tale okay so they’re late and yeah they’re flirting with the server and boy they do talk a lot about status and money and they interrupt me a lot but they must care about me because you’re going on a surprise vacation that they did so much to plan.
“When a grandiose narcissist is putting on a show they are at their best because of their charm and charisma and extroversion and attention seeking they are absolutely brilliant and well equipped at putting on a very seductive and intoxicating show.”
Grandiose love bombing achieves the very basic goal of keeping you from seeing the red flags. The Deep insecurity and inadequacy of narcissism means that at the most primal level a narcissistic person including a grandiose narcissistic person believes that they have to put on a show to win people over. They tend to judge everyone by their outsides and their exterior and they assume everyone judges them the same way. When a grandiose narcissist is putting on a show they are at their best because of their charm and charisma and extroversion and attention seeking they are absolutely brilliant and well equipped at putting on a very seductive and intoxicating show.
For better or for worse most of us were raised on fairy tales so no matter how steely and how well trained you are at detecting red flags. The grandiose love bomb sets people up for a lot of euphoric recall ten years down the road you might stay in this relationship and I’ve worked with folks who will say I just want the first two months of the relationship back and because those early love bombing days happened many people will stay in the relationship year over year saying well the relationship was once like that so that means it could go back to that right. Sometimes after a hoover a hoovering experience you might get sort of grandiose love bomb light but it’s never going to be like the original.
The other icky part of the grandiose love bomb is that they will likely weaponize it against you down the line when life settles into the normal stuff you start getting devalued and you might raise issues around wanting help with something or wanting some more support or you want them to do something you might even get the pushback of oh my God I spent so much money on you when we got together I did so much for you I gave you so much you are so not grateful and they may be giving you the speech just in response to you asking them to take out the trash.
Grandiose love bombing not surprisingly is also going to play out in the sexual arena. In the grandiose love bombing relationship you’re often going to be having sex in exciting places again hotel suites and they may put rose petals on your bed and candles all over the bedroom and it’s very very sort of exciting and exceedingly romantic. As with all narcissistic relationships many times people feel as though they’re often pushed to do more than they want feel like they’re being pushed to do things they’re not always comfortable with but it’ll feel exciting it’ll feel performative it’ll feel new and sex is so conflated with romance that in the grandiose love bomb very sort of exciting sexy well-staged performative sex tends to be sort of part of what it is. There’s also a lot of physical affection in public a lot of hand-holding and all that so it can feel again it takes people back to eighth grade and holding the hand of that first first little partner they have at that age.
The grandiose love bomb is the one that sweeps you into that fairy tale start to a relationship right that so many people are told that that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s larger than life sometimes it’s expensive it’s picnics on the beach it’s three dozen roses on your two-week anniversary it’s the best tickets to the best concert. Nobody should make a long-term life decision around family and children and commitment on the basis of the grandiose love bomb because it’s escapist fun. Fairy tales probably rarely end well I mean happily ever after my ass.
How Communal Narcissists Use Love Bombing to Manipulate
“The love bombing can really be tricky because you may actually feel as though you are a bad person for even noticing red flags after all this is a person who’s doing so much for so many people.”
I have talked about communal narcissism in other series on this channel and I’ve mentioned it more than a few times throughout many many videos. It’s a unique sort of form of narcissism initially referenced by someone named Gebauer is a researcher in Germany and sort of frames narcissism and the pathway to validation the pathway to validation seeking rather for the narcissist by them getting their validation by doing good things or noble things or seemingly spiritual things. While it looks like they’re doing the good behavior to do good actually they’re doing the behavior to get validation and while so while most narcissists are so transparently egocentric and self-serving that we’re all very clear that they only do for themselves for the communal narcissist they do the do-gooding humanitarian type spiritually awakened stuff to get validation from other people.
| Aspect | Details of Communal Narcissist Love Bombing |
|---|---|
| Common Tactics | Highlighting altruistic acts, involvement in charity or spiritual communities |
| Examples | Invitations to fancy fundraising events, showcasing their “good deeds” on social media |
| Purpose | Gain validation through perceived selflessness, mask true intentions |
| Red Flags | Rage when not validated, devaluing those close to them, hypocrisy in personal relationships |
The entire style of communal narcissism is characterized by a bit of grandiose hypocrisy to be so worried about whatever vulnerable group or seemingly worried about whatever vulnerable group they’re trying to benefit but then mistreating those closest to them. The other challenge with communal narcissistic folks is that everyone views them as virtuous and wonderful so if you were close to them and having to endure their abuse many times other people will be surprised or not believe you because they view them as so giving and altruistic which can leave people who are in communal narcissistic relationships feeling very alone and isolated and confused.
So what does love bombing look like with communal narcissists? Well, I guess it depends on how much you would be attracted to someone who seems like they care about saving the world and doing good and wants to talk about it. So in other words lots of people would be vulnerable to communal narcissists. It’s easy for many people to get pulled into the good feelings that accompany being with someone who wants to do so much good for so many people. Initially there may be some grandiose stuff maybe I don’t know you get to go to a fancy fundraising event or a fun fundraising event or a trip to whatever place where they’re doing their good important stuff but it may not just be this grandiose type stuff it may just be that the love bombing that looks in this very particular way like just basically hearing about all the good stuff that they’re doing in the world frankly that can really be quite dazzling.
There’s no way that most people would say wow this person is doing so much good and really humanitarian stuff I better make sure that they’re not toxic just not what most people think and so the love bombing can really be tricky because you may actually feel as though you are a bad person for even noticing red flags after all this is a person who’s doing so much for so many people or is so devoted to the enlightenment of other people through some vaunted spiritual pathway. They may be mad because people aren’t working as hard as they think they should be for their cause or not enough people are noticing their good work on social media so they rage and they may even get a bit ragey and impatient with you but that’s to be expected when someone is doing something so important right.
“The real measure of a person is how they treat the people who are standing right in front of them and another measure is that a person gives help to other people without expecting lots of credit and admiration and social media likes and effusive praise.”
Patterns like justification may arise rather early in this kind of relationship over time you may find that days go up and down on the basis of how much validation they are getting for their saving and their rescuing. It takes a minute to realize that their do-gooding is their way of getting social media validation for example and by the time you do you may be pretty deep in. Another way that communal narcissism can show up is in communities like spiritual kinds of narcissistic presentations people purporting to be gurus and healers and often purveying and focused on other practices like yoga or meditation or other applications of perfectly good things but in a savior complex kind of way.
You may find that you’re drawn into their savory communities savior not savory communities where they can do no wrong. Many people have been quite love bombed in these spaces being drawn into the savior rescue narrative which tends to devolve very quickly and there is the erroneous assumption that just because someone does good things like meditates or practices mindfulness or does yoga or breath work that somehow that they’re evolved and of course they could never be narcissistic. Many good people with good intentions engage in these practices but not all and people just assume healthy people do healthy things.
Communal narcissists in leadership roles in these kinds of communities often take advantage of people who walk into these spaces who can be quite vulnerable but at a minimum really do have good intentions for their own growth and then these people will often get shamed for not following the leaders’ teachings enough. There have been some for example big name players in the yoga world who have faced some pretty serious allegations of abuse and have had some major falls from glory when that got substantiated and their followers were actually quite vulnerable because they assumed their teacher or their guru had their best interests at heart.
The rescuing nature of the communal narcissist can look so empathic right we assume it’s empathic so it confuses people but it’s really easy to have empathy from a distance whether that’s for elephants on the other side of the world or children on another continent. The real measure of a person is how they treat the people who are standing right in front of them and another measure is that a person gives help to other people without expecting lots of credit and admiration and social media likes and effusive praise.
Love bombing in a communal narcissistic relationship can be really tricky because it doesn’t look like gifts or exciting nights out or the oversharing of the vulnerable narcissist or the hyper control of the malignant narcissist. For many people who have been through narcissistic relationships communal love bombing can be easy to miss the idea that someone wants to do good and it feels sort of awful to question their motives but please give yourself permission to question them when it becomes more about them wanting to hear how great they are or getting irritable when they don’t have enough people cheering them on and perhaps devaluing people who are helping them or even at times the people they are helping definitely pay attention to that.
We live in a culture where many a narcissist has a very big humanitarian platform validations validation folks and if they are doing it all this good stuff for validation and it seeming like validation only pay attention to that too. The love bombing in a communal narcissistic relationship can get you stuck because as I said many people feel guilty about feeling leery about someone who is doing so much good or being so meditationy or so spiritual teachery. Many a person who has been communally love bombed has said to me I didn’t want to see the red flags this person seems like they’re doing so much good I felt it made me a cynical awful person and I got worried that maybe I had become so hardened that I was the problem that I was the one who was the problem because I was questioning this person’s behavior.
I cannot tell you how many times I have talked with someone who claims to be doing so much good in the world and then starts behaving badly with other people around them or is unkind to their partner or children and boom the light bulb goes off that communal narcissist may claim to be saving survivors of something or disaster victims but at the same time they are emotionally abusing the people around them. Always simply pay attention to how a person treats another person anybody can claim to be a rescuer or spiritually evolved but ultimately our good comes from how we treat the individuals in our lives the people right in front of us and if you’re getting in a relationship with a communal narcissist you’re that person right in front of them.
Identifying Self-Righteous Narcissist Love Bombing Tactics
“Self-righteous narcissists can actually really feel like grown-ups because they have their money worked out and they seem hyper responsible and seem to do the right thing but their rigidity means that there’s little empathy and flexibility when life may go sideways.”
Let’s talk about love bombing with a self-righteous narcissist now in this series we’re talking about the different kinds of love bombing with the different narcissistic types not all love bombing looks the same and it comes down to the kind of narcissist you’re dealing with. The self-righteous narcissists are those that are rigid moralistic judgmental completely closed off to other perspectives opinions and ways of being and living. They preach about everything and can be rather stingy with money time love and affection. They tend to be really dismissive and they will dismiss and discard anyone they don’t think is as upstanding as them or lives the way they do and they will criticize lifestyles choices and be very unsupportive if bad things or bad luck happen to someone and they’ll blame it on that person’s bad choices.
| Aspect | Details of Self-Righteous Narcissist Love Bombing |
|---|---|
| Common Tactics | Rigid rule-following, financial responsibility, procedural reliability |
| Examples | Picking you up on time, sharing passwords, helping with practical tasks |
| Purpose | Appear dependable and morally superior to gain trust |
| Red Flags | Judgmental attitude, lack of empathy, controlling behavior disguised as responsibility |
The self-righteous narcissistic folks are interesting because they are so hyper moral and so rigid they often can appear to the world as though they’re very upstanding people who live their lives in such a right way. I’m thinking about one self-righteous narcissist I knew quite socially and I sneer in people for not eating the way he ate or not living away from the city and for not exercising every day and for not going to bed at 8 pm and waking up at 4am he’d just sit there on his high horse and just be so judgmental of how other people raise their kids even though his kids were a bit of a hot mess and the way they would spend their time and the places they’d go on vacation and the places they’d go out to dinner sneer sneered sneer and all of this was bundled up with a lack of empathy a deep sense of entitlement and a contemptuous sort of rejection he carried in everything he did. He only showed any kind of warmth with people who sort of shared his sort of cushy privileged well-ordered lifestyle.
The self-righteous narcissist is so focused on doing the right thing that to the untrained eye they may seem like upright and upstanding people. They will pick people up at the airport provided they were given sufficient notice they will remember birthdays they will send thank you cards they will bring hostess gifts they will follow through on things they would say they would do all of that frankly is quite admirable but accompanied by all that right behavior is coldness and rigidity and judgmentalness and an almost robotic automated quality.
So what would love bombing look like with a self-righteous narcissist? Self-righteous narcissistic types often attract people who have been hurt or harmed by irresponsible people or people who just weren’t ethical in their behavior. They attract people who want someone who is a rule follower or see they seem very adult because they’re not so shady or messy. For example, somebody who may have dated or been in a relationship with someone who cheated on them or who broke other rules or maybe someone who came from a family in which their parent or parents were financially irresponsible or one of their parents was a cheater those folks may want someone who really seems to follow the straight and narrow and might feel and want someone who feels loyal and they may be put off by people who violate moral codes.
Self-righteous narcissists are also really attractive to people that grew up in families that were chaotic and inconsistent. A person who may also be attracted to this self-righteous style may be somebody who feels restricted and that they can only date within a certain religious or cultural community and may want to find someone who’s very adherent to the religious or cultural codes and practices. So the strict loyalty and rule-following and financial conservatism and behavioral conservatism and responsibility can actually be very attractive to people who may equate all of this with being taken care of and in a very adult manner being with someone who feels like it’s an adult relationship.
“The moral rigidity of self-righteous narcissism can just feel like a correction even safety after being betrayed.”
If someone has come out of a relationship characterized by betrayal the experience of having someone say I absolutely believe in sharing everything here’s my phone here are my passwords and I will always let you know what I’m doing or who I am seeing or if you’re if you meet someone who’s a person who’s really on point with being on time or something like that it can feel like a gust of fresh air if you’re coming out of a confusing space of lies betrayal and inconsistency. The moral rigidity of self-righteous narcissism can just feel like a correction even safety after being betrayed.
The love bombing isn’t so much about what they’re doing but rather how they are being and how they live. As time goes on and you might say oh I love how honest this person is you’re going to see that those rigid moral rules will also be rigidly applied to you and while you aren’t doing anything wrong you may not think much of a night out with some old friends or you have an old friend from high school who’s still on a social media feed because you’re friends with their sister or every so often wanting to spend some money on a fun weekend away.
As the devalue and the discard phases start in a self-righteous narcissistic relationship the self-righteous person’s rigid but once comforting orderliness can start to feel punitive infantilizing and excessive. They may think that it’s not acceptable that you want to spend a night out with old friends or should not have anyone where there could be even a hint of impropriety on a social media feed or they may want to save and hoard money and never spend a cent of it on anything that resembles joy or fun.
Self-righteous narcissists are very careful about following through and they’re very focused on doing the right thing at least procedurally that’s also a part of the love bombing. They do the things that feel responsible like I said pick you up at the airport or drive you to a doctor’s appointment or ensure that some kind of financial thing gets done or that your toilet gets fixed or they might be even there to help your parents with something. They can feel like such good citizens and such responsible people and that can really set up a lot of cognitive dissonance because you’re thinking isn’t this what an adult relationship is supposed to be someone’s showing up and doing the right thing.
Love bombing may also be manifested as financial responsibility. Self-righteous narcissists at least early on just look really financially responsible they started saving for retirement starting with their first fast food job or babysitting job they’re often very careful to not carry lots of debt but they’re very aware of every cent. Again that really looks so seductive and responsible at first blush but over time that fiscal responsibility may start to seem like something more sinister. Everything may start to feel like a transaction you may find yourself going dutch every time and splitting the check every time which you may be okay with but then this maybe sometimes they will pick up the check and they will remind you later on repeatedly that they did so kind of with an assumption that you owe them.
They may become weird about moving in together down the line they may set up elaborate spreadsheets for just splitting up rent and utilities. Self-righteous narcissists seem to focus on saving for some future day and may make the present quite uncomfortable even when money could make a difference for health or well-being and slowly the picture emerges that what seemed like really adult-like financial responsibility early on devolves into control criticism a mean-spirited cheapness and record-keeping of everything from what they spent on your holiday gifts to refusal to spend any money on anything in the present that could be enjoyable.
This isn’t good just good fiscal prudency; rather it’s more of a mean-spirited miserliness and they will often shame you if you suggest any kind of expenditure beyond the basics. But the financial responsibility in the beginning may be very seductive for people who are seeking security or had past relationships that felt very financially irresponsible. Red flags like judgment inflexibility even a snobbiness in these relationships often get written off as stress being busy or even an attempt to see the point of view of the narcissistic person.
Well maybe he is right maybe the reason he’s not going to give money to his sister who’s struggling for money is because she did shame the family and got divorced. The financial info their financial inflexibility may initially be seen as frugality but then it reveals itself as really being miserly and controlling. Their judgmentalness may initially be seen as a quirk but when it starts coming out more and more it feels very invalidating and they’re my way or the highway stops feeling like self-assuredness or just knowing the way they want things but rather it’s experienced over time as entitlement and is being restrictive.
So self-righteous love bombing is a very peculiar form of love bombing. Self-righteous narcissists can actually really feel like grown-ups because they have their money worked out and they seem hyper responsible and seem to do the right thing but their rigidity means that there’s little empathy and flexibility when life may go sideways. Their entitlement comes out as their way is right and all other ways are wrong. Folks who are vulnerable to the self-righteous narcissist may be seeking a correction of old patterns they may find comfort in someone who seems so assured in their sense of right and wrong or may conflate all of this sort of self-righteous judgment with maturity.
Self-righteous love bombing may not be a last-minute trip to Paris or being wined or dined but love bombing is love bombing it involves being so seduced or taken in by the behaviors that feel comforting to us and since all of us have different backstories let’s face it different paths can love bomb us. Some people will say oh they’re self-righteous love bombing that’s not exciting I want the picnics on the beach and the wild sex and the trips to Paris but for people who really want that sense of comfort responsibility and really sort of feeling adult self-righteous narcissists just by ident of their behavior may actually feel like a love-bombing experience for people who are seeking that.
Recognizing Neglectful Narcissist Love Bombing Patterns
“Perhaps love bombing in a neglectful narcissistic relationship is basically a vacuum and the love bombing becomes about winning them over at that point after all your hard work to win them over the buy-in is that you put in so much effort to get them to notice you you want it to work and may lose sight of them never really noticing you.”
Love bombing with a neglectful narcissist now this series is designed to sort of break love bombing down in all its different forms part of this is because people will say I don’t know I didn’t get 10 dozen roses and I didn’t get any presents was I not love bombed by pretty much everyone in a narcissistic relationship is it just looks very different. When I was thinking about this idea of love bombing with a neglectful narcissist it was sort of an interesting one because the idea that this kind of a narcissistic person would love bomb almost seems silly since they’re so cut off so unavailable but like all narcissistic people the mask stays on long enough to keep your attention and draw you in.
| Aspect | Details of Neglectful Narcissist Love Bombing |
|---|---|
| Common Tactics | Exploiting short courtships, leveraging societal or cultural pressures |
| Examples | Workplace relationships, minimal engagement to lock in a partner |
| Purpose | Secure a relationship quickly for practical or social reasons |
| Red Flags | Emotional unavailability, unromantic demeanor, noticing you only when useful |
The neglectful narcissist is a person who is simply not present they view people as conveniences or requirements or protocols and they they view people through a sort of an instrumental lens they notice you when you are useful otherwise you could wave your hand in front of their face and they will not notice you. So what could love bombing with a neglectful narcissist look like? I think that neglectful narcissists take advantage of narrow windows of opportunity and short courtships they may want to get into a relationship to sort of tick a box a cultural or societal pressure to be in a long-term relationship or to legitimize themselves within their social group or because perhaps being married or something like that looks better for their career so they are looking to land someone fast.
Neglectful narcissists likely take advantage of good timing and finding someone who may be on their time frame or for some other practical or cultural reason. The target of the neglectful narcissist may not expect a long and meaningful courtship but rather they may also feel some sort of pressure to get into a relationship and all of this pressure they’re not noticing that this person isn’t noticing them. The neglectful narcissist who is completely an egocentrically oriented to only their own needs can play a game long enough to get someone locked in and then it’s a lifetime of ignoring whomever they get into our relationship with unless they need them.
Love bombing with a neglectful narcissist won’t be flashy or elaborate. Neglectful narcissistic people may actually pull in partners who may not know their own value or may have been told that they don’t deserve all that much or have been fed low expectations their whole lives. Neglectful narcissists are able to draw in people who have always been told to sort of maintain low expectations around relationships or have only observed very unhealthy relationships.
With neglectful narcissists there is also a dynamic whereby you feel like you need to work hard to get their attention. People who have legacy narcissistic abuse issues especially with from parents may find that for trauma bonded reasons they’re accustomed to having to jump through hoops to get another person’s attention. So even though in the neglectful narcissistic relationship at the beginning there’s no love bombing per se there is a dangerous precedent that the neglectful narcissists neglect their neglect and their unavailability actually becomes compelling and a person may feel pulled to sort of jump through the hoops and try to get the neglectful narcissistic person’s attention.
Also because the neglectful narcissist will pay attention to people who are doing something for them it’s not unusual for these to be relationships that begin for example in the workplace and maybe you are invaluable to them at work so a relationship may come out of the intense work relationship but then the time comes when your work is no longer interesting or useful to them you may still be stuck in a relationship with them but you will rarely get their attention and the next time you get their attention would be if you’re useful to them at work or in some form of functional capacity.
“Neglectful narcissistic relationships are soul sapping invalidating and a life of living in a hall of mirrors in which there are no reflections.”
So this neglectful narcissistic love bombing doesn’t look like any other love bombing if anything the neglectful narcissist lack of accessibility and how remote they are may be what pulls for a person to want to win them over or get their attention they’re like an unavailable parent right so it’s not what they’re doing but what they’re not doing that can make them so enticing for some people. For a person with deep trauma bonds from a neglectful childhood the neglectful partner may really push a person to want to win them over.
I’m not even sure that we’ll see where the love bombing ends and the devalue begins in a neglectful narcissistic relationship because they are just so unavailable they also tend to be unromantic distant avoid any true intimacy can be sexually cold or robotic lack spontaneity they’re like a gray space. More often than not people in relationships with neglectful narcissists blame themselves ruminating about things like I don’t know maybe if I was more interesting or more attractive they’d notice me. Listen to me you could come into the living room naked with a neon headdress and a feather boa and they may still just say hey can you pass the remote.
Perhaps love bombing in a neglectful narcissistic relationship is basically a vacuum and the love bombing becomes about winning them over at that point after all your hard work to win them over the buy-in is that you put in so much effort to get them to notice you you want it to work and may lose sight of them never really noticing you. In neglectful narcissistic relationships that a person might have gotten into for cultural reasons the stigma around ending a relationship especially a marriage can leave people stuck in these desolate relationships for lifetimes.
Neglectful narcissistic relationships are soul sapping invalidating and a life of living in a hall of mirrors in which there are no reflections. Maybe they’re physically attractive they may have a lot of money they may be someone who’s considered to be a good match by your community your community or your family there’s something that initially makes them enticing because obviously they’re not that engaged with you but then that enticing bit can make them someone that you often get compelled to try to win over especially if that cycle has been there in other parts of your life.
Why Recognizing Love Bombing Matters for Your Emotional Health
“There is something to be said for relationships that start with maybe binge watching TV and take out meals and respect and kindness maybe that’s a new kind of fairy tale for Disney and the storytellers to start selling.”
The fact is nobody lives in Disneyland because it’s not real it’s escapist fun and nobody should make a long-term life decision around family and children and commitment on the basis of the grandiose love bomb because its escapist fun. I have talked about communal narcissism in other series on this channel and I’ve mentioned it more than a few times throughout many many videos. There is something so so seductive and powerful about being with someone who feels like they have their moral compass aligned in exactly the right direction but as with all love bombing it’s always about making sure that the stuff that the narcissist is throwing at you isn’t obscuring your ability to see those red flags.
| Type of Narcissist | Love Bombing Style | Key Red Flags |
|---|---|---|
| Grandiose | Extravagant gifts, trips, affection | Rapid pacing, invalidation, focus on status |
| Communal | Altruistic persona, charity events | Hypocrisy, rage when not validated, mistreating close relationships |
| Self-Righteous | Moral rigidity, responsibility | Judgmental attitude, controlling behavior, lack of empathy |
| Neglectful | Minimal engagement, unavailability | Emotional distance, noticing you only when useful |
All that dissonance means people justify they’ll say oh there’s lots of traffic and they have a busy job I need to get over myself with me being concerned about them being late or I’m the one who’s still insecure because my dad cheated on my mom or my former partner cheated on me so I’m the one who’s being overly sensitive about how friendly they are with the server or the bartender or they’re just really proud of their accomplishments it’s not bragging if they talk about their new car and where they went to school and how much they make and maybe it’s just cultural that they talk over me what’s wrong with a little pride you justify right and even when you have an uncomfortable evening and then the flowers get delivered the next day and over time before you know it you keep becoming a master justifier as your car drives towards the devaluing exit off of the narcissistic relationship highway.
Now people with strong self-esteem and a really solid sense of self-worth they get pulled in with this mindset too of yes yes this is some kind of crazy fairy tale and yes I do deserve this so although the extravagance of the courtship should be like a fireworks show of red flags you may reassure yourself with the idea that you deserve this treatment a sort of self-confidently driven cognitive dissonance but no matter what it is whether it’s from confidence or it is from insecurity cognitive dissonance and justifications get people stuck.
The challenging part with the grandiose love bomb is that it ticks a lot of boxes for people for someone who may have felt unseen or unvalued as a child it’s like every day is the big birthday party that you may not have gotten. Keep in mind also that during the grandiose love bomb it’s not just about stuff it can also be about time attention lots of affectionate text messages a person will often see that they feel deeply desired and wanted during the grandiose love bombing phase and that piece of it may be more seductive than all of the gifts and the elaborate experiences.
In addition the grandiose love bomb may sometimes be accompanied by a relationship that simply moves too quickly while this does not always happen it may not always go fast it’s definitely not unusual in the grandiose love bombing period for the relationship to feel like it’s going way too fast and you feel like you’re in something fast but magical but too fast it’ll be things like let’s go on a big trip together let’s move in together let’s sell our stuff and sail around the world come on quit your job and move with me to this new place I got a promotion and I have to relocate and you’re like wow exciting and you’re but it’s just too much.
If you were to say whoa slow down this is all moving a little fast the grandiose narcissist will often do the gaslighting maneuver of doubting your commitment and again that fast intense pacing of the relationship can mean that you miss red flags just because you’re trying so hard to keep up. The challenge with this is that when things start going south in the relationship around the times the devaluing phase happens and things are going to go south.
I do remember when my children were young and we were at Disneyland for a day um they said they would be so cool to live here and I said ah nobody lives at Disneyland because it’s not real life and that they might even get tired of living there wouldn’t feel special if you lived in a place like that. There is something to be said for relationships that start with maybe binge watching TV and take out meals and respect and kindness maybe that’s a new kind of fairy tale for Disney and the storytellers to start selling because after we’ve all come up in this idea of more is better sometimes ordinary starts to relationships a lot of people will say they feel bored and that often is a vestige of the trauma bond because of trauma bonding many times volatility and excitement is what keeps people in the game so pay attention to that grandiose love bomb like I said it’s the ultimate street hustle creating a distraction so you miss the red flags yes it’s fun yes it’s exciting but the path that’s taking you down may not be worth that picnic on the beach.
FAQ: Common Questions About Narcissistic Love Bombing
What is grandiose love bombing, and how can I recognize it?
Grandiose love bombing involves extravagant gestures like dozens of roses, expensive gifts, or intense vacations early in a relationship. It’s designed to overwhelm you with affection to distract from red flags. Look for overly lavish displays, rapid relationship pacing, and a sense that the gestures feel too good to be true.
How does communal narcissistic love bombing differ from other types?
Communal narcissistic love bombing focuses on the narcissist’s do-gooder persona, such as involvement in charity or spiritual communities. It’s less about gifts and more about dazzling you with their apparent altruism, which masks their need for validation and can make you feel guilty for questioning their behavior.
Why do self-righteous narcissists’ love bombing feel like safety?
Self-righteous narcissists attract people with their rigid moral and financial responsibility, which feels like a safe, adult relationship, especially if you’ve experienced betrayal or chaos. Their love bombing lies in their rule-following and reliability, but it later becomes controlling and judgmental.
Can neglectful narcissists love bomb, and what does it look like?
Neglectful narcissists’ love bombing is subtle and not flashy. It often involves exploiting short courtships or societal pressures to lock someone into a relationship quickly. Their unavailability becomes compelling, especially for those used to seeking attention from unavailable figures, making you work hard to win them over.
How can I protect myself from falling for love bombing?
To protect yourself, slow down the relationship pace, question overly extravagant or rapid gestures, and pay attention to inconsistencies like invalidation or lack of empathy. Trust your instincts if something feels off, and don’t let gifts or attention cloud your judgment about red flags.
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Anshu Pathak is a passionate writer and avid reader whose love for stories shapes her world. With a heart full of imagination, she weaves tales that resonate with emotion and depth. When she’s not crafting her next piece, you can find her lost in the pages of a novel, exploring new worlds and perspectives. At Moodframe Space, Anshu shares her creative journey, offering insights, stories, and reflections that inspire and connect with readers everywhere.