Cheating can rip a relationship apart, leaving both partners drowning in hurt, guilt, and confusion. I’ve been diving into real stories and advice from people who’ve faced this question head-on: “How do I save a relationship after cheating?” These insights, pulled straight from Quora, are raw and unfiltered, reflecting the messy reality of trying to rebuild after infidelity. Whether you’re the one who cheated or the one trying to forgive, here’s what people say about navigating this painful journey.
The Emotional Wreckage of Cheating
Infidelity hits hard. “For a loving person, the effects of cheating by a spouse are very devastating. You start getting angry at yourself for being so naive and getting cheated. You will doubt your beliefs in true love, relationships, and the anger will make you fight bitterly with your spouse who preferred someone else over you.” That’s the kind of gut-punch betrayal can deliver, making trust feel like a distant memory.
On the flip side, those who’ve cheated often carry their own burden. “I (26F) cheated on my bf (25M) of 6 amazing years, and I feel completely empty and disgusted at myself. I messed it all up for this stupid thing. I have been dealing with a lot of issues of my own and I didn’t feel like I could turn to him.” The guilt and regret can be overwhelming, complicating any attempt to fix things.
Can You Really Save It?
People are split on whether a relationship can survive cheating. Some hold out hope: “Infidelity doesn’t necessarily mean a marriage is over. Consider these steps to heal and rebuild a relationship.” Others aren’t so sure: “NOPE! Just like a totaled car is not worth fixing… neither is a relationship where one has cheated! Cheating is a deal breaker when it comes to the foundation of a relationship: trust!”
Another take cuts deep: “In terms of marriage: Cheating eliminates the possibility of love. A cheater will always be unlovable. No one can ever forget that cheating happened, so there will never be the possibility of trust.” But there’s also optimism: “Yes, a cheater can change for the better. It takes a lot of work and dedication, but it is possible.” It’s a tough call, and the answer depends on the people involved.
Steps to Try and Rebuild
If you’re set on saving the relationship, here’s what people suggest, straight from their experiences. It’s not easy, and there are no guarantees.
End the Affair Completely
First things first: “If you are the cheating party, you need to end your affair completely before you can expect to have any chance of healing your relationship with your partner or spouse.” That means cutting all ties—no calls, no texts, no secret meetups.
Own Your Mistake
Taking responsibility is non-negotiable. “The first step is for the cheater to acknowledge and accept responsibility for their actions and to apologize.” A heartfelt apology is just the start; you’ve got to back it up with real change.
Work on Yourself
Before you can fix the relationship, you need to fix yourself. “You don’t fix the relationship. You fix yourself. And then — and only then — can you and your partner try to rebuild your relationship. Oh — it will be a brand new relationship because you destroyed the existing one.” Therapy can help you figure out why you cheated in the first place.
Be an Open Book
Trust needs transparency. “If you are the betrayer: First and foremost is complete 100% transparency. Give access to everything, especially social media accounts, email, any membership sites, etc. Clean up ‘your act.’ Meaning remove anything related to the other person.” It’s a big step, but it can help your partner feel safer, even if trust takes time to rebuild.
Get Professional Help
Couples therapy comes up a lot. “I’m in my 2nd year with my wife who cheated. We had couples therapy and she promised never to do it again (mmmm). I can honestly say although she is trying and things are good, there are several BUTS… I have minimal to zero trust in her anymore and don’t think I ever will.” Therapy can guide you, but both partners have to show up fully.
Dig Into the Why
You’ve got to understand what led to the cheating. “If you cheated, there must be a reason. Until you can figure out that reason, there is no point in trying to save your relationship.” Whether it’s personal struggles or a disconnect in the relationship, knowing the root cause is key to moving forward.
The Trust Struggle
Rebuilding trust is the hardest part. “You can’t ‘fix’ it. It’s done. You are now in a dynamic where you have to rely on WORDS (promises, vows, denials, etc.) to try and repair the damage and toxic fallout of YOUR WILLFUL ACTIONS.” For the betrayed, doubt can linger forever: “No one can ever
Anshu Pathak is a passionate writer and avid reader whose love for stories shapes her world. With a heart full of imagination, she weaves tales that resonate with emotion and depth. When she’s not crafting her next piece, you can find her lost in the pages of a novel, exploring new worlds and perspectives. At Moodframe Space, Anshu shares her creative journey, offering insights, stories, and reflections that inspire and connect with readers everywhere.